you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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