do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
