forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
worst night to have a conscience
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
