here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
