Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
