i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
