my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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