I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
