I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
