I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
