Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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