dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
