I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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