dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
