dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
