Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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