Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
