i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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