ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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