Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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