She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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