I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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