so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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