Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
