well most of my day revolves around power hour
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
