The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
