I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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