I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
