And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
