Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
