Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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