yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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