I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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