I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
