Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
