some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
