My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
