Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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