google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
