Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
