I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
