Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just google imaged poop.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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