sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
