No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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