When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
