A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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