Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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