Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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