remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
