also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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