I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Houston, we have a squirter
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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