That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize