I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
