Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
