so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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