I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
