i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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