I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
time to smoke my breakfast
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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