I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
