Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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