Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
