why didn't you poke me back
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
