I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
