from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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