At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
