I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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