It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
