Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
