too bad you live with your parents still
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
