i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
