I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
