sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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