Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dicks are not precious.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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