I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
