sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
